Why I gave up on my 'healthy girl era'.

Because being a "healthy girl" is just SO not worth it.

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Unpopular opinion: the trend of entering or exiting an "era" is toxic.

We go out searching online for inspiration - outfits, how to live, schedules for the day, meals to eat (or more specifically what not to eat), habits to get into, exercises to do for the "dream body", and "my 5-9 before my 9-5". It seems to me that everything you could ever want has someone your age or younger on social media who just seems to be completely and utterly thriving in life, all whilst I am on my third bagel of the day because I have no energy to cook... AGAIN!

Here's the thing though, we cannot be productive all the time. Our body needs rest, and sleep doesn't always count. I am talking about active, conscious rest - something far too few of us practice, myself included. If I am honest, I guess this exact confession is one of the reasons I want to share these thoughts with you. I want to reeducate myself, and hold myself accountable because if I am going to preach about how to "love yourself", "eat what makes you happy", "be kind to yourself", and "take time for you", best believe I will be tasting my own medicine.

Here is a little context for you: 4 years ago, I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted abs and strong legs, a tiny waist but huge bum. I wanted long hair, and success in all of my studies. I wanted to set myself up for my future. I wanted a job in which the pay would get me through uni, and help me get on my feet afterwards. Lastly, I wanted to be a successful career woman in the corporate world. Simply put, I knew what I wanted, and therefore if I had it all, I would love myself. Right? Think about it in the analogy of a pizza: I love goat's cheese, caramlised onions, spinach, roasted peppers, and a tomato base. So you would think that in loving all of these ingredients, I would have the perfect pizza, and therefore I would love it! I have since learnt from my experiences of eating this dream pizza that in all actuality, it just gives me explosive diarrhoea and I DO NOT love that.

For the adults in the room, think about a synonym for diarrhea. Now think about that hitting the fan. Yep. That was my life.

On the surface, it looked like I had it all-together. I would do the sleeping-shift at work overnight, wake up, run and then go to uni. I would attend my sports club after uni. I would go home, re-write all of my Uni notes, catch up with a couple of friends and then I would go to my second job. Food in my head was optional. I would run off bagels that I could take with me, noodles I could make in a couple of minutes, and microwave rice that I could heat up. Below the surface though, I would burnout every six weeks, I would rush to see people, barely being present when I was with them, and I would never eat properly.

But I was in my "healthy girl era". I wasn't snacking, and I would run all the time. I was busy, like a business woman, and I was earning good money. So why was my hair falling out, my abs not coming through, my grades dropping, and my friendships struggling? It seems obvious when you read it like this. Yet, at the time, I had no idea. The weird thing is, as much as I was struggling, I didn't notice it, much less other people. I was "busy" and that was okay. Everyone knew that. I would always be at everything though, and the word "no" had no reason to be said. Of course I will be at your party, your event, your lecture! So I bet it surprises no-one that I was utterly burnout out.

It is funny, because as a kid, my Granny and parents would caution me to "not burn the candle at both ends". I guess it didn't. I burnt it from the middle.

So what did I change?

A lot, if I am honest. It has taken me many self-care books, anti-anxiety techniques, difficult conversations, and a lot of self-acceptance for two years to get here. I wouldn't change that for the world though. Now look at me, eating what I want, working for myself, balancing my work, social, and personal life, and speaking with a beautiful human like yourself on where to go next. Or, how to get there.

Maybe none of what I have written applies to you. Maybe some of it does - maybe all of it does! I hope that you can take something away from my inner ramblings.

I like myself now. I like who I am, and I am deeply proud of the person I have become, and am becoming. If you have found yourself here, I would assume you are either in the same position, or you would like to be. Either way, I hope you find empowerment here to help you become a person you love, accept and look after. No matter who you are, no matter where you have come from, I welcome you into this space. Whether you want to listen, join the conversation, or simply be present, please know you are surrounded here by like-minded individuals.

I have dedicated myself to helping others. Not at the cost and deprivation of myself, also known as "people pleasing" sort of way. Selfishness isn't a crime; it is a boundary. A resource to protect your energy from running out. Embrace it. Yet I do want to help anyone who finds themselves somewhere along the path I am, and have been on. Hopefully, through this blog space, or any of the services we run, you can find that help. When it comes to wellness, there is no right answer, but, we can at least discuss, try, and test some techniques that have been found to help. Hopefully, with time, we can empower the next generation to utilise the mechanisms that have helped us at an earlier age than we discovered them. For this to happen, we must make talking about wellness, holistic health, and emotional education "normal". We need to remove the taboo. So, if you are with me (and I rather hope you are) I implore you to do one thing before you move on with your day.

Write.

Yours truly,

No Write Answer x